Tom Delay to Appear on Dancing with the Stars

Respect.


Presumably dancing to La Cucaracha will be deemed a little too inside baseball.

Whatever, SUGAR LAND PRIDE Y'ALL!!!!!!111!11

Also, Baylor pride.

Full disclosure: Tom Delay was an exterminator in Sugar Land and I grew up in Sugar Land and later went to Baylor and Tom Delay is whatever you call the cancer that cancer gets.

Gallagher is the Archduke

Is there a phrase that's similar to "memento mori", only it means something like "Remember you went to a fucking Baptist university"? I don't know the answer to that, possibly because I went to a fucking Baptist university.

Regardless: Baylor University's own Jeff Dunham (or should one say "FUNham"??!?!?!!) (no, one shouldn't) was just voted Comedy Central's "King of Comedy".

I'm pretty sure this means it won't be long before Whiplash appears on the cover of MonkeyFancy.

NOT THAT WAL-MART CARRIES THAT ANYMORE.


Anyway, Go Bears.

(also, America? You are destroying America.)