I hate it when they fight like this. It's like I'm reliving the divorce my parents never had.
You guys: I'm too old to sublimate all of my anxiety into the first Star Wars trilogy (that's what children of broken homes did in the 70s, right?).
Please, you two, you have to find some way to make this work (for the sake of the kids).
Showing posts with label star wars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label star wars. Show all posts
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Muggle, Please
I am suspending my earlier Proposed Postulate for Rule of the Internet w/r/t Choire Sicha, because that's not Ian McKellen!!!
Waait, unless that's part of the joke..?
Arrgh, Choire Sicha, you are always one step ahead of the Internet!
POSTULATE REIMPOSED
...
Um, so, that was actually so I could say this:
The trailer for HPatHBP is up, with Hero Fiennes-Tiffin (nephew of Stage Uncle Ralph Fiennes) as young Voldemort. The last movie was ungood, but this was the best book in the series (too bad it was followed by How Wizards Go Camping), so I will likely eventually see it? Some day?
BUT: based on the preview I am prepared to set up a PayPal account so we can get enough money together to have Hero Fiennes-Tiffin act out all of the Jake Lloyd scenes from Phantom Menace, to be digitally reinserted later.
HERO FIENNES-TIFFIN: THERE IS STILL A CHANCE YOU COULD PREVENT MY CHILDHOOD FROM BEING CRAPPED ON BY GEORGE LUCAS HOW MUCH WILL IT TAKE?
ALSO: TELL US HOW TO PRONOUNCE "HERO" AND "TIFFIN"; YOUR FAMILY HAS A HISTORY OF GOING NON-OBVIOUS, PRONUNCIATION WISE, THAT'S ALL WE'RE SAYING.
Waait, unless that's part of the joke..?
Arrgh, Choire Sicha, you are always one step ahead of the Internet!
POSTULATE REIMPOSED
...
Um, so, that was actually so I could say this:
The trailer for HPatHBP is up, with Hero Fiennes-Tiffin (nephew of Stage Uncle Ralph Fiennes) as young Voldemort. The last movie was ungood, but this was the best book in the series (too bad it was followed by How Wizards Go Camping), so I will likely eventually see it? Some day?
BUT: based on the preview I am prepared to set up a PayPal account so we can get enough money together to have Hero Fiennes-Tiffin act out all of the Jake Lloyd scenes from Phantom Menace, to be digitally reinserted later.
HERO FIENNES-TIFFIN: THERE IS STILL A CHANCE YOU COULD PREVENT MY CHILDHOOD FROM BEING CRAPPED ON BY GEORGE LUCAS HOW MUCH WILL IT TAKE?
ALSO: TELL US HOW TO PRONOUNCE "HERO" AND "TIFFIN"; YOUR FAMILY HAS A HISTORY OF GOING NON-OBVIOUS, PRONUNCIATION WISE, THAT'S ALL WE'RE SAYING.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
The Derma Bums
Easily the most popular post on this site since I started tracking which posts are popular (via TECHNOLOGY) is Skin Disease: A Survey, which was sort of a psych experiment in that I linked to kind of horrifying pictures for each of the skin diseases I listed, daring You the Reader to click through. Like, far and away the most popular, statistically dwarfing everything else to the point where if I had to represent it graphically, I would draw a blue whale for that post and then like for everything else: a bunch of smurfs. (I just typed that off the top of my head but now I realize both are blue so I only have to use one color of marker, giving me extra time to pursue my dreams, does this make me a genius?)*
It is my dearest hope that it's just the fact that linking to 14 other sites in a single post does something to some algorithm and that is why it is such a popular post, rather than Everyone on the Internet is a Huge Fan of Marjolin's Ulcer or something.
NEVERTHELESS, as George Jessel, Red Skelton and Ray Davies all said, simultaneously, give the people what they want and something something that's why we have George Lucas now, so Here You Go, Internet: this is a link to a quiz I just saw on Mental Floss:
SKIN DISEASE OR DUNGEONS & DRAGONS CHARACTER?
Using the method of Marginally Informed Blind Guessing, I got a 94%, which is exactly the percentage I always got in high school when I was perfecting this method,** which is why to this day I am "unmotivated" and "not much of a self-starter" even when I am given extra time to pursue my dreams.
But for real I really got a 94:
* Answer: No, because it is hard to draw the hats on Smurfs without it looking like it's Dress Like a Penis Day in Smurf Village.
** Mrs. Morris and Mr. Dewar in particular: I am sorry I didn't try harder.
But at the time I was suffering from and/or doing battle with Erysipelas.
It is my dearest hope that it's just the fact that linking to 14 other sites in a single post does something to some algorithm and that is why it is such a popular post, rather than Everyone on the Internet is a Huge Fan of Marjolin's Ulcer or something.
NEVERTHELESS, as George Jessel, Red Skelton and Ray Davies all said, simultaneously, give the people what they want and something something that's why we have George Lucas now, so Here You Go, Internet: this is a link to a quiz I just saw on Mental Floss:
SKIN DISEASE OR DUNGEONS & DRAGONS CHARACTER?
Using the method of Marginally Informed Blind Guessing, I got a 94%, which is exactly the percentage I always got in high school when I was perfecting this method,** which is why to this day I am "unmotivated" and "not much of a self-starter" even when I am given extra time to pursue my dreams.
But for real I really got a 94:
* Answer: No, because it is hard to draw the hats on Smurfs without it looking like it's Dress Like a Penis Day in Smurf Village.
** Mrs. Morris and Mr. Dewar in particular: I am sorry I didn't try harder.
But at the time I was suffering from and/or doing battle with Erysipelas.
Monday, April 21, 2008
FINALLY
This will complete my collection.
¯ ¯
Tuscan Raider: Not a Jew.
But guess who is? Hall of Famer Aunt Beru. (She converted)
¯ ¯
¯ ¯
Tuscan Raider: Not a Jew.
But guess who is? Hall of Famer Aunt Beru. (She converted)
¯ ¯
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
This is Duane’s Thing
Originally inspired by/posted as a story for Monster 155 on Stefan Bucher's Daily Monster. Posting stories in the comments of someone else's blog and then modifying them slightly and posting them here is the only thing I know how to do, except I can juggle and I know a little Spanish. Ask me to ask you where the library is, BECAUSE I WILL DO IT. The book comes out in a week; everyone's buying one, right? Great, awesome.
“This is an early concept sketch for the Admiral Ackbar character by Ralph McQuarrie,” our guide says, pointing to a black, blotchy illustration labeled “Ackbar #155”. We’re on the last leg of our San Francisco trip, and are touring Industrial Light & Magic (this is Duane’s thing). I don’t want to be here, but he put up with my whole family for nine days (we’re talking about talking about getting married so I said he had to meet them). So I can throw him this bone.
“As you can see, the character was a little tough to pin down and went through some pretty drastic revisions in the early stages,” the guide says, “This sketch is actually starting to get to the essence of the character, although here, you can see, Ackbar is female and the head is a little megalencephalic.” Everyone is quiet. “Biggish,” the guide says.
“And what is this little guy in the brain area there?” Duane asks. The tour guide sighs and said, “Jedi came out about a year after ET, and George was so impressed with it, he really got it in his head that Matthew De Meritt should play Ackbar.” He points at a part of the drawing that could best be described as “a little-boy-crouched-in-the-giant-brain-sac-of-a-squid-thing” and says, “That’s where De Meritt would have been positioned in the costume.” Duane leans over and stage-whispers to me, “De Meritt was the kid without legs that played ET.”
“Just in some scenes,” the tour guide says. He looks around nervously and then whispers, “George just gets these ideas and won’t let them go. They had already started production and it turned out De Merritt didn’t want to do it. Davis was already overextended...” Here, Duane whispers, “Warwick Davis: he played the main Ewok. And Willow in the movie Willow. And the Leprechaun in the move Leprechaun. And he’s been in all the Harry Potters.” The tour guide waits patiently for him to finish and then says, “...and so the part eventually went to Timothy Rose who, because of the way the mask was positioned, had to look out of...”
“The nostrils!” Duane shouts and raises his hand for a high five, which the tour guide gives him, but only after about ten seconds pass and it’s clear Duane isn’t putting his hand down.
We take a break not long after this, and Duane goes into the men’s room. The tour guide comes up to me. “Are you two serious?” he asks. I tell him it’s not really any of his business, but yes, we’re thinking about getting married, although as I say this, I think: this has been a tough nine days. He didn’t really get along with my family, and this fanboy obsession stuff really kind of came out of nowhere. Back in Madison, most of our friends are my friends and he doesn’t really act like this. “You don’t seem all that into this,” the tour guide says.
“Not really,” I say, “This is Duane’s thing. I’ve seen parts of Star Wars on TV, but that’s about the extent of my knowledge. I couldn’t tell you a single line that Admiral Ackbar said in that movie.”
About this time Duane comes out of the men’s room, and says, “Hey, you know how I took that multi-vitamin at your parents’ this morning?” (I nod.) “Well, when I was peeing just now, I looked down, and my pee was this fluorescent yellow color, and it was like my johnson was like this, I don’t know, like, flesh light saber. It was hilarious.”
I look back over at the tour guide, who raises his eyebrows and locks his eyes with mine. In a weird, hoarse voice he says, “IT’S A TRAP!”
I look at concept sketch #155 for Admiral Ackbar. She’s wearing a wedding dress, and she has a little boy wedged in her brain making it impossible for her to move forward. I freak out, and what always happens, happens. My brain starts arguing with itself: “Prepare to retreat!” it says,
and:
“You won’t get another chance at this!”
and:
“We have no choice!”
and:
“The shields are down!”
and:
“Commence attack!”
and finally:
“Move the fleet away from the Death Star!”
“This is an early concept sketch for the Admiral Ackbar character by Ralph McQuarrie,” our guide says, pointing to a black, blotchy illustration labeled “Ackbar #155”. We’re on the last leg of our San Francisco trip, and are touring Industrial Light & Magic (this is Duane’s thing). I don’t want to be here, but he put up with my whole family for nine days (we’re talking about talking about getting married so I said he had to meet them). So I can throw him this bone.
“As you can see, the character was a little tough to pin down and went through some pretty drastic revisions in the early stages,” the guide says, “This sketch is actually starting to get to the essence of the character, although here, you can see, Ackbar is female and the head is a little megalencephalic.” Everyone is quiet. “Biggish,” the guide says.
“And what is this little guy in the brain area there?” Duane asks. The tour guide sighs and said, “Jedi came out about a year after ET, and George was so impressed with it, he really got it in his head that Matthew De Meritt should play Ackbar.” He points at a part of the drawing that could best be described as “a little-boy-crouched-in-the-giant-brain-sac-of-a-squid-thing” and says, “That’s where De Meritt would have been positioned in the costume.” Duane leans over and stage-whispers to me, “De Meritt was the kid without legs that played ET.”
“Just in some scenes,” the tour guide says. He looks around nervously and then whispers, “George just gets these ideas and won’t let them go. They had already started production and it turned out De Merritt didn’t want to do it. Davis was already overextended...” Here, Duane whispers, “Warwick Davis: he played the main Ewok. And Willow in the movie Willow. And the Leprechaun in the move Leprechaun. And he’s been in all the Harry Potters.” The tour guide waits patiently for him to finish and then says, “...and so the part eventually went to Timothy Rose who, because of the way the mask was positioned, had to look out of...”
“The nostrils!” Duane shouts and raises his hand for a high five, which the tour guide gives him, but only after about ten seconds pass and it’s clear Duane isn’t putting his hand down.
We take a break not long after this, and Duane goes into the men’s room. The tour guide comes up to me. “Are you two serious?” he asks. I tell him it’s not really any of his business, but yes, we’re thinking about getting married, although as I say this, I think: this has been a tough nine days. He didn’t really get along with my family, and this fanboy obsession stuff really kind of came out of nowhere. Back in Madison, most of our friends are my friends and he doesn’t really act like this. “You don’t seem all that into this,” the tour guide says.
“Not really,” I say, “This is Duane’s thing. I’ve seen parts of Star Wars on TV, but that’s about the extent of my knowledge. I couldn’t tell you a single line that Admiral Ackbar said in that movie.”
About this time Duane comes out of the men’s room, and says, “Hey, you know how I took that multi-vitamin at your parents’ this morning?” (I nod.) “Well, when I was peeing just now, I looked down, and my pee was this fluorescent yellow color, and it was like my johnson was like this, I don’t know, like, flesh light saber. It was hilarious.”
I look back over at the tour guide, who raises his eyebrows and locks his eyes with mine. In a weird, hoarse voice he says, “IT’S A TRAP!”
I look at concept sketch #155 for Admiral Ackbar. She’s wearing a wedding dress, and she has a little boy wedged in her brain making it impossible for her to move forward. I freak out, and what always happens, happens. My brain starts arguing with itself: “Prepare to retreat!” it says,
and:
“You won’t get another chance at this!”
and:
“We have no choice!”
and:
“The shields are down!”
and:
“Commence attack!”
and finally:
“Move the fleet away from the Death Star!”
Thursday, November 01, 2007
I am your fodder
I was sending someone an email and in it I wanted to make a reference to the Star Wars line about "millions of voices suddenly [crying] out in terror and . . . suddenly [being totally] silenced", and to make sure I got the line right I googled "voices cried out silenced" and result #5 was a verse from The Bible:
"When he saw Jesus, he cried and fell down"
. . . and GUESS WHAT BOOK OF THE BIBLE IT IS FROM NO WAIT DON'T GUESS I'LL JUST TELL YOU IT IS THE BOOK OF LUKE WHICH RECALL: I DID NOT SEARCH FOR THE WORD "LUKE" IN MY GOOGLE SEARCH BUT LUKE IS A CHARACTER IN STAR WARS.
I found that to be:
MILDLY INTERESTING.
Related to this, I guess: Yoda is on stamps now..?
Remember in the early 90s when all of America had to vote on whether we wanted the Young Elvis or the Old Elvis on our stamps? I am happy that the Post Office is just making our decisions for us again, but I am reasonably confident that America would have picked old, creaky Yoda and not young, bouncing off the damn walls Yoda.
Therefore: Yoda is the inverse of Elvis.
TAKE NOTE, UNDERGRAD THESIS WRITERS!!
When I saw young Yoda, I cried and fell down. Young Yoda sucked so hard, all that kinetic bouncing around and Space Parkour. The only thing preventing young Yoda from being 100% Total Suck was that at the end of all the bouncing he didn't go, "Parents are lame!" and then dip some Dunkaroos into green frosting while a heavy metal riff played. Also, if he had been a Space Jamaican, that would have sucked pretty hard too.
OK, so after typing "Space Jamaican" just now, I looked up Jar Jar Binks' entry on Wikipedia, and saw that he was "born c. 50 BBY" and I was all, "He was born in 50 Best Buys? That's like using a parsec to measure time! How do you plan to retcon that one, Nerd Apologists??" but that's not true, because read this on what "BBY" means; no, don't, I'll just tell you: it means "Before the Battle of Yavin". Now you are saying, "What the hell is Yavin?" I agree. Or, I guess, I too ask that. And so, I have done the work for you. And this was difficult work, as it required that I leave Wikipedia, and go to the Wookieepedia (I am being serious) for the entry on the Galactic Standard Calendar, which you should definitely click on that link because you will see what is either the funniest thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world: because the "Battle of Yavin" is when the Death Star blew up in "A New Hope", so the Galactic Standard Calendar entry is one where the authors are struggling simultaneously to maintain Plausible In-Universe Chronological Continuity, but are still forced to recognize that the first time the Death Star exploded was the high point of their childhoods; hence: the article reads like someone trying mightily to justify a space station blowing up as a calendar reset moment, as opposed to, I don't know, a war (of Clones!) or even a virgin birth). How great! And sad! And how, like everything else post-original trilogy, it serves to make the "universe" smaller! But anyway the best part of it is throughout the entry, someone has put in wiki-style citation requests:
The Old Republic dated years from the Ruusan Reformation of 1,000 BBY.[source?] Prior to that, the Republic had presumably dated events from its founding in 25,000 BBY. [source?] The galactic standard for dating was once YY:MM:DD, which refers to years after the Great ReSynchronization, which took place on 00:1:1. [source?]
I am not 100%, but I think there may actually be some "weasel words".
Possible also a "peacock term"..?
"When he saw Jesus, he cried and fell down"
. . . and GUESS WHAT BOOK OF THE BIBLE IT IS FROM NO WAIT DON'T GUESS I'LL JUST TELL YOU IT IS THE BOOK OF LUKE WHICH RECALL: I DID NOT SEARCH FOR THE WORD "LUKE" IN MY GOOGLE SEARCH BUT LUKE IS A CHARACTER IN STAR WARS.
I found that to be:
MILDLY INTERESTING.
Related to this, I guess: Yoda is on stamps now..?
Remember in the early 90s when all of America had to vote on whether we wanted the Young Elvis or the Old Elvis on our stamps? I am happy that the Post Office is just making our decisions for us again, but I am reasonably confident that America would have picked old, creaky Yoda and not young, bouncing off the damn walls Yoda.
Therefore: Yoda is the inverse of Elvis.
TAKE NOTE, UNDERGRAD THESIS WRITERS!!
When I saw young Yoda, I cried and fell down. Young Yoda sucked so hard, all that kinetic bouncing around and Space Parkour. The only thing preventing young Yoda from being 100% Total Suck was that at the end of all the bouncing he didn't go, "Parents are lame!" and then dip some Dunkaroos into green frosting while a heavy metal riff played. Also, if he had been a Space Jamaican, that would have sucked pretty hard too.
OK, so after typing "Space Jamaican" just now, I looked up Jar Jar Binks' entry on Wikipedia, and saw that he was "born c. 50 BBY" and I was all, "He was born in 50 Best Buys? That's like using a parsec to measure time! How do you plan to retcon that one, Nerd Apologists??" but that's not true, because read this on what "BBY" means; no, don't, I'll just tell you: it means "Before the Battle of Yavin". Now you are saying, "What the hell is Yavin?" I agree. Or, I guess, I too ask that. And so, I have done the work for you. And this was difficult work, as it required that I leave Wikipedia, and go to the Wookieepedia (I am being serious) for the entry on the Galactic Standard Calendar, which you should definitely click on that link because you will see what is either the funniest thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world: because the "Battle of Yavin" is when the Death Star blew up in "A New Hope", so the Galactic Standard Calendar entry is one where the authors are struggling simultaneously to maintain Plausible In-Universe Chronological Continuity, but are still forced to recognize that the first time the Death Star exploded was the high point of their childhoods; hence: the article reads like someone trying mightily to justify a space station blowing up as a calendar reset moment, as opposed to, I don't know, a war (of Clones!) or even a virgin birth). How great! And sad! And how, like everything else post-original trilogy, it serves to make the "universe" smaller! But anyway the best part of it is throughout the entry, someone has put in wiki-style citation requests:
The Old Republic dated years from the Ruusan Reformation of 1,000 BBY.[source?] Prior to that, the Republic had presumably dated events from its founding in 25,000 BBY. [source?] The galactic standard for dating was once YY:MM:DD, which refers to years after the Great ReSynchronization, which took place on 00:1:1. [source?]
I am not 100%, but I think there may actually be some "weasel words".
Possible also a "peacock term"..?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Post Production
They have those R2D2 mailboxes outside my office (one on 5th ave and 50th and another on 5th and 52nd), and I was walking by and a woman was putting a letter in and then she did that thing that people who don't trust simple machines do where after she closed the little door she opened it again to make sure the letter had actually gone inside, and the move was so eerily similar to the one Carrie Fisher does after she says, "You're my only hope" in episode iv, that it felt like my brain was swallowing something.
Her hair was different though.
Happy Belated Life Day, by the way.
Her hair was different though.
Happy Belated Life Day, by the way.
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