Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Abba, Zabba, Go!

Unnecessary Foreward: I posted this to the Sound of Young America Forum following a candy bar discussion on Jordan, Jesse, Go! and thought I would just post it again here, where even fewer people would see it. Next I plan to post it on a piece of paper, which I will then swallow.
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I grew up in Texas and moved to Chicago and then New York, so I had never heard of Abba Zabba until I heard the Tom Waits song, "Chocolate Jesus", which has these verses in it:

I don't want no Abba Zabba
Don't want no Almond Joy
There ain't nothing better
Suitable for this boy

It's the only thing
that can pick me up

Better than a Cup of Gold
Only a Chocolate Jesus
Can satisfy my soul
...so when I was in California a few years ago and I saw an Abba Zabba at a gas station, it felt like my heart was going to pee itself.

I bought one and ate it in the car and I must say: as good as the Abba Zabba was, it did not reach its Platonic Ideal, as represented by the song.

Thus, I posit:
No matter how good a candy bar is, it can never be as good as hearing Tom Waits say the name of that candy bar.
Once you know this, it will help you save this much money: one million dollars.
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Unnecessary Afterward: Using the "internet", I find that Abba Zabba is made by the Annabelle Candy Company, who also makes Rocky Road and U-No, the two candy bars my Dad used to go into a reverie about when I was growing up. They were unavailable to us in Texas, and therefore remembered more fondly than they probably should have been. I had just assumed they stopped making them when Ritchie Valens died or something, but it turns out, of course, that they've been with us all along but are only available on the West Coast. I don't know why this would still be the case in 2007, but I'm for it: inaccessibility of regional candy bars is pretty much the only thing my childhood will have in common with my offspring.

Keep it up, regional candy bars!


Jessi Guilford said...

Thus, I posit:
No matter how good a candy bar is, it can never be as good as hearing Tom Waits say the name of that candy bar.

This is probably true, though I doubt it's limited to candy bars. E.g. imagine the TV commercial where Tom Waits talks about Wellbutrin. Or Office Depot. Or the Gap. Freaky, yes. Disappointing, most likely. But -- they'd all *sound* more worthwhile, somehow.

moonlight ambulette said...

what about other regional foods? as in, when my spouse discovered that in this part of the country mcdonaldses do not offer the delightfully green shamrock shake come st patrick's day, we almost had to move back the midwest.

Patrick M~ said...

Jessi is right: I totally just saved some money imagining Tom Waits advertising Head On.

Patrick M~ said...

MA: The Holy Grail would be to drink a Shamrock Shake while eating a McRib.

That would be like getting a Cadbury Egg for Halloween.

And that would be like so crazy I can't even think about it.