Friday, December 21, 2007

No Damn Cat, No Damn Cradle

Look, I made a dumb Vonnegut reference, and it got posted.

For all of you who were scared off by the fact that someone is supposedly moderating the comments on the NYTimes Opinion pages, do not be scared:

It is just like the rest of the Internet.

If you are one of the 4% of all English-speaking people that hasn't already read this very long thing by Errol Morris, and you are interested in things that are "fascinating as hell", and you're all, "Why does everyone love Susan Sontag so much?" and something something Breeders song, then please read it?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (links provided here because the link to Part 3 on the Times site is wrong).

I wish my brain was more Errol Morrisy. I think it had a chance about 10 years ago, but then I got a "real job".
Errol Morris, I'll be your whatever you want: The bong in this reggae song.

Friday, December 14, 2007

$4 Million Dollar "Tales of Beedle the Bard" Thing


I sort of wanted to post a new discussion that says "AMAZON PLEASE TELL US IF ANYONE ELSE IS GAY SO WE CAN PROTECT OUR CHILDREN" but reading the comments that are in there so far, I think I'll just wait for someone else to do it.
You rule, Internet Community, you make me more proud of you every day.

Maybe the book contains magic that can save the Kindle..?

Reducto DRM!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Find Patrick

Chicago - Schuba's 2
Originally uploaded by
Hint: he is blurry.
This was a good show, although going into it I sort of imagined a couple things that didn't pan out; viz.--
(1) I fully expected "Podsafe Christmas" with Coulton, Paul, Storm, and several helium balloons (it is only OK to abuse helium if you are a professional entertainer, my mother taught me); and
(2) When I talked to Coulton after the show and said I had just moved here from Brooklyn, the correct answer from him was not to disparage the South Slope, but to say, "Oh, hey, shortly after you left, we devised a technology that will allow you to afford to live in Brooklyn with adequate space and spare money at the end of every month for trips to the cheese store on 7th and the entire Criterion Collection and providing for your kids &c.; so, you can come back."
Since this did not happen: everyone in this picture, please hang out with me and/or babysit so I can do more things like this, only this time with my lady friend.

Except that one drunk girl who was sitting in front of me.
I am sorry: you are a mean drunk.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

"V" Apparently Not Only for "Vendetta"

Defamer linked to a [disputed] story on Rated M announcing that Larry Wachowski has completed his sexual reassignment surgery but will not speak about it or do any publicity for Speed Racer until after it comes out, since it could "hurt the family image the Speed Racer film is going for."

But let's think about this:
(1) Sexual Reassignment Surgery.
(2) Reluctance to speak.

Might there be another explanation?

Friends of Samantha Moss, even if she never writes anymore, see specifically [and please note that these seemed funny at the time]:
Jacques Chirac Arrives to Consult the Oracle.
The Oracle Arrives to Consult the Oracle
Dave Eggers Arrives to Consult the Oracle
This Actually Happened Last Tuesday

Friday, December 07, 2007

Free Money

Someone should write like a murder mystery? That takes place at the Yankee Candle Flagship Store? And they could call it "Means, Votive and Opportunity (An Inspector Niles Mystery*)".

* or whoever

The victim could be like current CEO Craig Rydin and he could be offed in the Dip-Your-Own-Candle area maybe. The murderer could be someone from Madison Dearborn and be all, "I am sorry you must die, current CEO Craig Rydin, but it is nice that the last thing you smelled was Pumpkin Spice," and then Inspector Niles solves the case. He could be all, "It was the Madison Dearborn guy, in the flagship store, with the candlestick."
I'm pretty sure this is what Poe had in mind when he invented detective fiction.


Actually, I sort of just wrote this to see if it would show up on the "Blog Post" section of the Google Finance page for YCC. If you are reading this there, sell all of your stocks and write this book; it is a license to print money. This is not some microcap stock fraud thing; you will make so much money! Do this! Also please do not murder anyone.

I made this half prom date half monkey monster to please you

Maybe I used too many monkeys..?

if you don't know what I'm talking about, and care for some reason: here.
I'm totally seeing him tomorrow night he's playing in Chicago and I am excited THIS IS ME EXCITED TO SEE A REPRESENTATIVE FROM BROOKLYN COME TO CHICAGO, MY EXCITEMENT DEMONSTRATED BY ALL CAPIALS AND NO PUNCTUATION AND NOT BOTHERING TO CORRECT THE SPELLING OF "CAPITALS". I may wear my "neighborhoodie". Actually, I think it's going to be like 28 degrees, so never mind.
Also, First of May fans: this-alarming-in-the-wrong-context poster was spotted at the Museum of Science and Industry this weekend. (Note: it is neither science nor industry.) I hope Coulton's show will not be a "John Robinson"!!!111.......dvzsdsfsddddddddd
ALSO: the Museum of Science and Industry? in the men's "doniker"? has a DYSON AIRBLADE.
You thought I was going to say urinal cakes made of self-replicating nanobots, but trust me THIS IS BETTER, because: THIS IS BOTH SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY (here is a video of a PopSci editor testing one; it is just like that, only obviously more awesome in person, and also it didn't occur to me to stick a newspaper in it). I saw this on a commercial for something I was watching a week or so ago and I thought, "Why am I even seeing this? How am I the target demographic for this?" But now having used one, I WANT ONE IN MY HOUSE I WOULD NOT USE IT FOR EVIL OR NEWSPAPER MANGLING THIS IS ME EXCITED AT THE PROSPECT OF HAVING A DYSON AIRBLADE IN MY HOME IT DOES NOT MATTER IF I EXPERIENCE G-LOC THE RISK WOULD BE WORTH IT

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Happy 105th Anniversary of the Death of the Monocle

Someone on AskMetaFilter asked What's up with monocles? and someone else pointed him to this NYT article from 1902: The Rise and Fall of the Monocle.

1902! 23 years before Eustace Tilley!
(I kind of hate Eustace Tilley)

This article and the entire Times archive being online for free is such a victory for awesomeness that it totally just fixed a bad day I was having. I apologize to everyone I pissed off today. I didn't know there was an available article about the rise and fall of the monocle that I could access and read and then have fun imagining a bunch of dandies walking around turn of the century London without binocular depth cues.

I know that now. I am really sorry everyone.
Everyone? Christmas is uncancelled.

I wonder if the kids in that weird subculture of Victorian Steampunk Goths in Japan know the monocle is OUT.
I'm not fucking telling them. Those kids freak me out.

Update, 1/23/08: OK with Eustace Tilley again.
Most Updated Post Ever? Sources say PERHAPS, 1/25/08:
Dinosaur Comics (everyone is reading this, right??) drops some monocle awesomeness today.
The email-subject-line-joke for this one is "hey, who's that guy talking in the first panel? thanks for setting events in motion, guy talking in the first panel, WHEREVER YOU NOW MAY BE" which makes one posit: "Whoa, what if they guy talking in the first panel is the monocle guy? This might be some kind of scam to get people to pay for circus tickets. And the kangaroo might be in on it?"

also: "What if the author of this New York Times article is also the monocle guy?" is a question that I think now has to be asked.