Dismal Science

With the meeting of the European Central Bank coming up tomorrow, we thought it might be useful to go over some of the “code words” that ECB President Jean-Claude Trichet (full disclosure: we’re in the same BDSM community) uses to telegraph the bank’s intentions.

• Acting in a “firm and timely manner” - “Rates moving closer to estimated neutral rate.”
• “Accommodative” policy - “Rates likely to rise in coming months.”
• “Monitoring risks closely” - “Rate hike in three months’ time.”
• “Monitoring risks very closely” - “Rate hike in two months’ time.”
• “Vigilance” - “Rate move soon, possibly at next meeting.”
• “Strong vigilance” - “Rate hike extremely probable — likely at the next meeting.”
• “Aardvark” - “OK, that’s starting to hurt. Let’s stop a minute.”
• “Vigilent aardvark, aardvark, strong aardvark” - “Please? I mean it, seriously. Please stop. Oh God. I'm being serious. Stop. Oh God, oh God, please stop. I can’t breathe.”
• “Aardvarkaardvarkaardvark, seriously, please, aardvark” - “I keep blacking out. You have to stop. Oh God, oh Christ, please, please. I need this to stop now. Oh Christ please help me, please stop, please.”
• “Aardvargh, aardvargh” (followed by vomiting, then soft weeping, usually in fetal position, though not always) - “Rates likely to fall by next meeting.”

That’s everything I know! Good luck making money!
XOXOXOXOXO,
Samantha