Strunk und Drang

Thanks to Jessi Guilford for this comment. Now I can write this with reasonable grammatical confidence:

The attorneys general’s store on Granadillo wishes to announce that the good behavior barter tokens can now be used to purchase food items, including John Ashcroft’s homemade beef jerky, which by the way is now halāl and bears a label saying it is prepared by “George Dhabiĥa Bush” (this is a pun, but it really is halāl now); for those of you who do not trust us (and why would you?! We know!!), Janet Reno’s apple butter is still (still!) available in gift packs of eight, and also Alberto Gonzales joke about water boarding maybe something to do with a snorkel? Will fill in later. Thanks, etc.

Again, thanks to Jessi. I think you’ll agree that the world is better now that I typed that.