(Speaking of Danish Things)

MORTENCENSUS!
Or:
Employees of International Business Machines with the Last Name “Mortensen” Who Were Working in the Denmark Office During the Summer of 1992, When I was Working at Said Company (in the U.S.)— Because, I Now Imagine/Realize, my Dad Pulled Some Strings—According to the “Callup” Function on a Company-Wide System Called “PROFS” (i.e., “PRofessional OFfice System”), Ranked in Order of the Increasing Amusement I Felt Upon Reading Each Name

1. Kim
2. Jan
3. Jon
4. Karina
5. Henrik
6. Lars
7. Kai
8. Inger (9)
9. Jìrgen (10)
10. Lis (11)
11. Mogens (12)
12. Per (13)
13. Uffe (14)
14. Bent (8)
15. Bent T.

Note: Number in parentheses indicates ranking before the discovery of "Bent T."