Friday, December 29, 2006

Lies My Parents Told Me, When I Figured Out They Were Lies, and The Probability I Will Tell The Lies To My Offspring

  • Santa Claus, existence of: June 18, 1977, 3:18pm; 100%
  • Easter Bunny, existence of: June 18, 1977, 3:18pm; 100%
  • Tooth Fairy, existence of: June 18, 1977, 3:19pm; 99%
  • God, existence of: February 4, 1984, 6:27pm; 88%
  • I can’t swim for half an hour after eating: July 4, 1981, 3:03pm; 73%
  • The vitamins in bread are “in the crust”: April 22, 1977, 6:11pm; 2%
  • Eating beef does not mean, as I posited, you are “eating cow muscles”: March 2, 1984, 6:18pm; 1%
  • “Duty Free” is only for foreigners: (this actually might be true; I need to investigate further); N/A
  • I can be President: October 11, 1989, 3:38pm; 78%
  • I can be “whatever I want to be”: November 28, 1995, 2:14pm; 82%
  • It’s not whether I win or lose: August 13, 1978, 11:31am; 80%
  • It’s how I play the game: August 13, 1978, 11:32am; 79%
  • Everything will be OK: February 3, 1973, 2:31pm; 100%

1 comment:

moonlight ambulette said...

wait a minute.

the vitamins aren't in the crusts? what the!

but pumpernickel bread is really made of chocolate, right?

RIGHT?!